The Lair Food Song

I wrote this song for the Camp Blue Revue at the Lair of the Golden Bear Summer Camp. It's sung to the tune of The Trolley Song from the movie Meet Me at St. Louis. Grace and others have requested that I post the lyrics. The first two stanzas are sung to the tune of the song's introduction, which you won't possibly remember unless you listen to a recording. Most of the humor is summer camp generic, but there are a few references that might be difficult to get if you're not a Lair camper.

With my good intentions

And my hiking shorts

I came here meaning to reduce

I signed up for the outings

And planned on some Pilates

But instead I was seduced

When I came to Lair

I was in despair

I was shaped sort of like a ball

I lacked will power

At happy hour

And here comes my downfall

Clang, clang, clang time for Lair food

Ding, dong, ding goes the bell

Growl, growl, growl goes my tummy

As I trudge up or down Camp Blue hill.

On the first day its turkey

Sunday its barbeque lunch

All the rest’s a bit blurry

Except for tri-tip which we love a bunch

Three times a day

In our blue trays

The food never changes year to year

Once in a while it’s a bit vile

But you’re so hungry you just swallow it with cheer.

Clang, clang, clang time for Lair food

Ding, dong, ding goes the bell

Growl, growl, growl goes my tummy

As I trudge up or down Camp Blue hill.

One thing that you all must do

Please stop and use the wash stand

Cause if we get Camp Blue flu

We’ll spend our whole week on the can

When first bell sounds

It means last rounds

On every happy hour scattered through Camp Blue

So drink up quicker

To get shicker

And to your children be an example that is true

Lair food’s not served on china

Mich-lin won’t give it a look

Still there is nothing finer

Than not ever having to cook.

Clang, Clang, Clang, mealtime’s over

With a whimper not a clang

Full, full full is my tummy

So I grab some dessert

And I stop to hear dirt

Bout the staff

It really makes me laugh

Then I pick up my tray

And I go on my way

And I make double time

to the end of the line.

A few notes:

-- In the last stanza, the lyric was supposed to read (instead of I stop to hear dirt ...):

And perhaps stop and flirt

With the staff

It only makes them laugh

Iris objected to these lyrics. She didn't feel it was appropriate for an 8-year old to be singing them.

-- I was told not to refer to the Camp Blue Revue as a talent show. Some felt that talent was rarely on display.

-- I've written a song for next year sung to the tune of the Cole Porter classic It's too Darn Hot. We'll see if it makes it pass the Camp Blue censor board.

-- My informal survey indicated that most campers did not know what the word shicker means. It's Yiddish for drunk, and Yiddish words are always funnier than English words. Maybe we should be camping in the Catskills.