Of Faggots and Presidents

Ann Coulter just defended her schoolyard taunt of John Edwards by claiming that it's OK because he's not actually a homosexual; she was just accusing him of being effeminate. In 1999 left-of-center columnist Maureen Dowd wrote about Al Gore,

Al Gore is so feminized and diversified and ecologically correct, he's practically lactating.

The only Democratic candidate who will probably never be accused of being too feminine is Hillary Clinton! What everyone has failed to explain is why feminine characteristics create bad Presidents.

It turns out that our nation has had a long history of faggot Presidents (effeminate men who may or may not be homosexuals). My recent readings about George Washington reveal that he was obsessed with creating fabulous military uniforms and maintaining perfect appearance. However, the real proof of a testosterone deficiency is revealed in his orders regarding torture.

Treat them with humanity, and Let them have no reason to Complain of our Copying the brutal example of the British army in their Treatment of our unfortunate brethren.

The he-men of our current administration would never stoop so low.

By now, most of us have read the theories that Lincoln was a closeted (was there any other kind in 1860?) homosexual. Further evidence lies in his self doubt and his willingness to have dissenters in his cabinet (real men dismiss everyone who isn't a yes man - what's the point of listening to incorrect arguments?). Finally, there's the question of Lincoln's flip-flopping (I don't want to be too graphic about why this might be associated with being effeminate) -- first he doesn't want to free the slaves, then he does.

Adams (both of them), Jefferson, Madison, Teddy Roosevelt and Wilson are immediately suspect because they were public intellectuals. Ann Coulter would have a field day with them; they all wrote volumes full of sentences and phrases that can be lifted from their context. Teddy tried to cover his feminine side with all of his manly activities; however, if you've seen Brokeback Mountain you know the real reason men like to go out camping with their buddies.

If you want testosterone vote for Rudy Giulani, he can give more testosterone in one blood donation than is available in the entire democratic field - and I'm including Hillary. As for me, if effeminate means a little less moral clarity, an end to "my way or the highway" diplomacy, and a dose of humility before both God and the American people, I say bring the faggots on.

Editor's Note from Bad Mom, Good Mom:
His sarcasm light is flashing, but you have to be looking at him to see it. So don't even bother flaming him. He's flaming enough as it is. I have it on good authority that his DVD collection identifies him as a faggot. It has to be true because a major movie studio paid for the marketing research.

Response to Editor:
The Editor just says things like this when she wants me to prove otherwise. That means I better get going RIGHT NOW!