Top Ten Movies that aren't on your List

Compared to the other film enthusiasts in the blogosphere, I'm an amateur among amateurs; however, among my friends, I'm the movie expert. I'm often asked about my favorite movies. Many of my favorites are pretty standard: Sunset Boulevard, Lawrence of Arabia, Chinatown, etc. It's almost pointless to list them. Here are 10 of the best American movies that most people don't put on their lists. I'll have to think some more about favorite foreign films.

1. Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933). The Busby Berkeley boxed set came out a year ago and it was a revelation. I'd heard about these movies and seen clips, but nothing quite prepared me. Between the pre-code shenanigans and the choreographed human kaleidoscopes, this movie is simply a good time. 42nd Street and Footlight Parade were close contenders for this spot.


2. The Lady Eve (1942). Sullivan's Travels is most often cited as Sturges' masterpiece, but its sentimental streak keeps it from being ranked among my favorites, which include this choice, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (which brilliantly outmaneuvers the Hays code), and The Palm Beach Story. The Lady Eve wins out because of the star appeal of Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck. See this and you'll weep over the current state of the romantic comedy genre (you may want to support this cause)

3. White Heat (1949). The early gangster movies (The Public Enemy, Scarface, and Little Caesar) are fun to watch, but seem like cultural artifacts compared to White Heat, which gets to us at a visceral level. James Cagney plays the psychopathic Cody Jarrett who may love his mother a little too much.

4. Strangers on a Train (1951) The equal of any of the usually cited Hitchcock masterpieces (e.g. Psycho, Vertigo), this may be his most perfectly constructed thriller. Robert Walker is Hitchcock's greatest villain (not only does he love his mother, he wants Farley Granger to kill his father). Hitchcock hits all of his obsessions: mothers, an innocent man wrongfully accused, and the darkness within us all.

5. Sweet Smell of Success (1957) "A cookie filled with arsenic" is used by Sidney Falco (Tony Curtis) to describe J. J. Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster), but the phrase is also an apt description of this especially dark and cynical noir tale. James Wong Howe's black and white cinematography, Ernest Lehman's script, Elmer Bernstein's jazzy score, Ernest Lehman's sharp script and Alexander Mackendrick's (who didn't make enough movies) direction prove that film is a collaborative medium.

6. The Music Man (1962). I wanted to include one movie you can watch with your three year old (Dumbo was my second choice). Conventional wisdom is that the musical died when the Arthur Freed unit closed down at MGM, and the big 3-hour cinemascope Broadway-based extravaganzas killed the musical. Actually, they kept the musical alive financially, and a few of them were pretty good. This one (along with the more commonly listed My Fair Lady) is nearly perfect, and preserves Robert Preston's career defining role for all time.

7. One, Two, Three (1962). One of funniest movies ever made, its frenetic pace and total irreverence was ahead of its time, foreshadowing the work of Mel Brooks and the Zucker-Abrahams team. Billy Wilder tackles many of the issues he explored as a screenwriter for Ninotchka (an also ran for this list), skewering both communism and capitalism but saving his most vicious digs for the Germans (all of whom claim to have been part of the resistance). James Cagney fires off the mile minute jokes as a Coca-Cola executive in Berlin. How Billy Wilder got Coca-Cola to go along with this movie is a complete mystery.

8. All that Jazz (1979). 1979 was the year I first got interested in movies as something more than entertainment. In addition to the classics, I remember loving All that Jazz (which I saw twice in its opening month), Apocalypse Now, Being There and Manhattan. All that Jazz is Bob Fosse's 8 and 1/2, except Fosse uses fantasy and musical sequences to draw us in at an emotional level, whereas Fellini's fantasies just make us wonder what the hell he's trying to get at.

9. Repo Man (1984). I don't know if it's my advancing age or the decline of the repertory cinema, but it seems they don't make cult movies like they used to. This is the best of them.

10. The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985). From 1980 to 1999, one of the events I looked forward to most was the opening of the year's Woody Allen movie. Even when his movies weren't up to snuff, they never felt like a waste of time. Strangely, his latest efforts have been both less ambitious and less likely to fulfill their ambitions. Allen doesn't appear in this one; Mia Farrow is his surrogate, a star struck fan who is literally drawn into the fantasy world of a depression era movie. The under-appreciated Radio Days was another candidate for this spot.

11. A. I. (2001) This is number 11, but who's counting? Spielberg’s amazing run of great movies in the 2000's is reminiscent of Hitchcock in the 1950's; A. I. is Spielberg’s Vertigo, an under-appreciated masterpiece that will eventually be revered. With the exception of an ill-advised coda, this is a great movie about what it means to be human with a chilling and heartbreaking performance by Haley Joel Osment.

Of Faggots and Presidents

Ann Coulter just defended her schoolyard taunt of John Edwards by claiming that it's OK because he's not actually a homosexual; she was just accusing him of being effeminate. In 1999 left-of-center columnist Maureen Dowd wrote about Al Gore,

Al Gore is so feminized and diversified and ecologically correct, he's practically lactating.

The only Democratic candidate who will probably never be accused of being too feminine is Hillary Clinton! What everyone has failed to explain is why feminine characteristics create bad Presidents.

It turns out that our nation has had a long history of faggot Presidents (effeminate men who may or may not be homosexuals). My recent readings about George Washington reveal that he was obsessed with creating fabulous military uniforms and maintaining perfect appearance. However, the real proof of a testosterone deficiency is revealed in his orders regarding torture.

Treat them with humanity, and Let them have no reason to Complain of our Copying the brutal example of the British army in their Treatment of our unfortunate brethren.

The he-men of our current administration would never stoop so low.

By now, most of us have read the theories that Lincoln was a closeted (was there any other kind in 1860?) homosexual. Further evidence lies in his self doubt and his willingness to have dissenters in his cabinet (real men dismiss everyone who isn't a yes man - what's the point of listening to incorrect arguments?). Finally, there's the question of Lincoln's flip-flopping (I don't want to be too graphic about why this might be associated with being effeminate) -- first he doesn't want to free the slaves, then he does.

Adams (both of them), Jefferson, Madison, Teddy Roosevelt and Wilson are immediately suspect because they were public intellectuals. Ann Coulter would have a field day with them; they all wrote volumes full of sentences and phrases that can be lifted from their context. Teddy tried to cover his feminine side with all of his manly activities; however, if you've seen Brokeback Mountain you know the real reason men like to go out camping with their buddies.

If you want testosterone vote for Rudy Giulani, he can give more testosterone in one blood donation than is available in the entire democratic field - and I'm including Hillary. As for me, if effeminate means a little less moral clarity, an end to "my way or the highway" diplomacy, and a dose of humility before both God and the American people, I say bring the faggots on.

Editor's Note from Bad Mom, Good Mom:
His sarcasm light is flashing, but you have to be looking at him to see it. So don't even bother flaming him. He's flaming enough as it is. I have it on good authority that his DVD collection identifies him as a faggot. It has to be true because a major movie studio paid for the marketing research.

Response to Editor:
The Editor just says things like this when she wants me to prove otherwise. That means I better get going RIGHT NOW!

Smoking and Praying don't mix

When government seeks to be fair and evenhanded, enforcement of regulations can get ridiculous. The latest example is a British order to post no-smoking signs in all churches, attempting to solve a problem that never existed. Amusingly, the notices were sent out on Feb. 21, Ash Wednesday. In California, we've had smoke free workplaces for so long, I'd like to see the government-mandated no-smoking signs taken down. After all, a no-smoking sign in a California restaurant is about as necessary as a no-defecation sign in front of a urinal (I'd like to see the pictograph for that!).

Credit Card Offers from Capital One

How does Capital One make a profit? They must spend $50-$100 a year sending offers to our household alone. Last Monday, we received four offers from Capital One (two for me and two for Grace). After opening each envelope, putting materials with our names on it in the shredder basket and recycling the rest, I felt disgusted enough to call them. Fortunately, they answer quickly because they think you're calling to apply for a card.

I explained how I was sick of receiving offers and wanted to stop receiving them. That wasn't a problem. I made the mistake of giving them Grace's info first. Here's the approximate conversation:

"I'm not speaking to Grace, am I"

"No, she's not home right now"

"I can't remove her name without her permission"

"I'm the person who has to shred these things, and I don't want them crossing my property line!"

"We're not allowed to take her name off without talking to her"

"Look, I can give you good intelligence information that Grace will not take you up on your offer. You should act on that intelligence and save your company some money. That shouldn't require her permission."

"I'm sorry, we can't do that sir"

"OK, I'll make it easy on you. I forgot to tell you that Grace is dead"

"Sir, this is a recorded line and you may want to be careful about any misrepresentations you make"

That seemed rather threatening, although I doubt any jury would ever convict me of fraud, and I can't imagine Capital One having standing to sue (for saving them money?). I relented, and resuming polite conversation we managed to get my name off the list. In 6-8 weeks our house will become a Capital One free-zone. I recommend calling, just make sure that everyone you want to remove (or at least someone whose voice can pass for the proper gender) is in the room.

Apparently, I am not alone.

Plurality vs. Majority-based Democracy

What do Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and the Hamas Party have in common? All owe their rise to power to plurality-based democracy. Pluralities are considered too dangerous a method for choosing the mayors of Redondo Beach and Los Angeles, yet all fifty states are willing to choose their presidential electors based on a plurality vote. And pluralities are dangerous; just think about the governments that might be favored by your least favorite 30% of the electorate.

The consequences of a plurality-based system are twisted, yielding disproportionate spoiler powers to the likes of Ross Perot and Ralph Nader. The system also makes third party victory virtually impossible, because the average voter is adept enough at game theory to understand why a third party vote is a wasted vote, and will usually vote for the least offensive Democratic or Republican candidate. A majority-based system, which employs either runoff elections or preferential voting (aka instant runoff), lets voters simply vote for the candidate they like best with no repercussions. What a revolutionary concept!

After the 2000 election, the electoral college system was under fire again, perhaps deservedly so. However, a constitutional amendment that eliminates the electoral college will never pass - too many small states benefit from the system. Let's concentrate on what can be fixed. A majority-based runoff system could be implemented on a state-by-state basis, and in many states could be introduced through initiative amendment. Initiatives would bypass the mainstream party controlled legislators, which have an interest in perpetuating the plurality-based system.

Many of those interested in electoral reform are third party advocates. I'm not particularly troubled with having only two strong parties; however, like all monopolies (or duopolies), the threat of competition can only inspire them to do a better job.